Is there anybody out there?

Things that happen more often than me making additions to my BLOG.

Leap Years
Fair Elections in Afghanistan
Me buying a round of drinks
Sightings of Bin Laden

Actually come to think of it, I think Billy Joel has added two more versus to “ We didn’t start the fire “.

Anyway, regardless of all that, and contrary to belief, we are still around.

To try and remember what we have done since January stands even less chance than me remembering what we did last weekend, yesterday, or since breakfast, as my brain appears to be ‘full’ and not able to download any of the important stuff elsewhere in case of emergencies.

In the style of writing a Christmas Letter (which will probably be my next update) I seem to remember us starting off with me having surgery on my shoulder in February.
I had what is known as a ‘sub-acromial decompression’, which sounds very fancy (and also shiny) but is in fact simply keyhole surgery on my shoulder where they ground off spurs of bone that had been snagging on tendons. I was very brave and did not cry, but this was because they inserted a local anaesthetic into my shoulder during the operation, and left it in for 24 hours. It is when that is taken out that you realise you have had surgery.

Many people thought I had this op simply so that when Scott and Sarah then visited us from New York the next week, I could not play golf and be shown up. It did not stop me walking around the local golf course with Scott and 2 of my mates, with them swinging their clubs and me popping pills as if they were peanuts. When asked what it was I seemed to regularly be munching on, I said it was ‘cocodamol’ and ‘tramidol’. Apparently these can lead to respiratory failure, if taken in large quantities. As Gav is a Urologist, and Rob is a forensic pathologist, I figured my chances were pretty good, as one could try and resuscitate me, and the other could perform a PM if it didn’t work out.

Scott and Sarah’s visit was over far too quickly, but it was great to see them, and see that Ruby and Jacob are getting so tall.

Lily has been taking dancing classes for some time now, and they had their first big production in Glasgow. The show did not start until 19:30, so they were allowed to have lots of sweets to keep their energy up. They performed 4 dances, while I surreptitiously tried filming with my covert ‘underarm’ video camera. Most of the shots seemed to be of my armpit, or my shirt, which is a pretty weird movie when set to children’s background music, and 40 small feet tapping and shuffling. Damien Hirst could probably sell it for £20,000,000 to the Tate Modern, but all I got was a slap from the wife, and having to pay £16 for the professional DVD.

July saw Moira’s SAD (Seasonally Adjusted Disorder) return, and so we booked a holiday to Mallorca, sharing a villa with our friends Kirsty and Gav, and their 3 kids. It was brilliant to find the sun, some sand, some cold beer, and to have a swimming pool, and the week went by far too quickly. Upon return we shot straight down to London to see Kate and Rob, who were over for Maria’s wedding. Naturally they looked ab-fab, and while we only got one afternoon with them, we got the lovely feeling of a Kate and Rob ‘top up’, where your spirits are elevated way beyond where they normally are, and then a great feeling of sadness when it is time to say goodbye.














To restore the spirits, we had Moira and Jackie’s civil partnership to look forward to on August 22nd, and prior to that Mum and Dad turned up in Scotland to visit us. We picnicked with Mum, and generally ran around having a great time, and Mum even babysat for us while Moira and I had a luxurious night stay at Mar Hall. After lunch on a Monday, we set off for the hotel, used the gym (for about 10 seconds) and then spent the afternoon by the pool reading, jumping in and out of the steam room and sauna, and then went back to our room where we drank fizzy pop in our bathrobes and slippers, and watched DVD’s. Dressing up for dinner, and looking all grown up, we supped and dined until we almost had to be rolled back to our room, for a great nights sleep. After a leisurely breakfast we returned home, feeling as if we had spent a week away.















Dad had kindly spent many weeks getting everything in place for our 2 day fishing bonanza. He ‘tied’ 2 boxes of identical flies, booked a wee boat on Loch Carron, and we had 2 brilliant days driving around The Campsies and all of his old haunts, which bizarrely now are local to me. The weather however did not play ball, and in Scottish Summer style, the second day was an absolute downpour, almost from beginning to end, but we still caught 5 trout that day all the same. At the end of that day, a friend had secured a couple of us VIP tickets at Hampden Park for the U2 ‘360’concert, and we went and sang our butts off. Anne and Scott arrived to hang out for a few days, and to ‘top up’ on Loch Lomond peace of mind, and to eat as much shortbread as possible.

En masse, en famille and on EasyJet, we headed to Hove (or as it is locally known ‘Hove actually’) to celebrate Jackie and Moira’s big day. The event itself was brilliant and went off without a hitch (well just the one, and that was expected of course), the weather played ball, and we all had one. Malcolm, Kristen, Joshua and Georgia joined us, along with Neil and Lorna, who had left Archie and Eve at home (with a babysitter I hasten to add). A cousins song had been written and was performed, using the Sound Of Music as the theme

Sadly we had to say goodbye to Mum, Dad, Sister and Sister-In-Law, (as well as all the cousins) and head back to Glasgow, where surprisingly it was raining. To get myself back in the groove after all the previous months excitement, it was time to take on the annual cake bake (category: Best Cake Baked By A Male). Roping in a new contestant this year, I convinced our friend Paul to compete. Being a bit of a perfectionist, he was up until 2am baking an amazing cake. He also admitted to drinking a lot of wine in that time, and when asked what was in his cake, her advised that a cork or two might actually be found. I think the judges must have had the same idea the night before, as this year they placed my cake 1st.

Gav decided that as my shoulder had now been rehabilitated, it was time to get my large carcass back into action, and to join his weekly Monday night football team. He assured me that there were guys of my pensionable age in there too, and that I had nothing to worry about. Luckily the first person I met was complaining that he was really sore from the weekend, and could hardly walk. Thinking he was probably suffering from the same thing as me, middle-age and an ability not to shake a hangover, I was horrified to hear that he had run up Ben Nevis in 2 hours and 22 minutes. Gav also looked pretty sore when I smacked him one for fooling me into this. After a while the old skills all came flooding back, and I was making late tackles, kicking the ball into touch, and occasionally falling over myself, so it felt as if I had never been away. Lily is rather annoyed with me though, as her Tuesday lunch is not as cold as usual. For the last two Monday nights I have returned home, had a very hot bath, and then taken an ice pack to bed, to assist in repairing my strains.

We are now hunkering down for 8 months of rubbish weather. The coal-bin is full, the waterproofs at the ready, and photos of trips to sunny climes are at hand.

Billy Joel may not have started a fire, but I reckon we have about 200 in a row ahead of us.

Next update - December