Kiwi Jingle Bells

What are the 2 best things you can hear before getting on an international flight from Glasgow to Auckland?. “ Would you like a free upgrade to first class sir ?, “ I am sorry but the last seat available is in the middle of the row containing the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Oh, and they are drunk. And randy. It would also mean your wife and child will have to sit elsewhere in the plane, would that be OK? “.

In reality I received a phone call from Lily’s nursery 24 hours before our flight asking me “ who will be picking up Lily from nursery right now please, as she has chicken-pox? “ The same morning the car door was so frozen solid, that the hard plastic handle actually broke of in my hand. This is the same car we are lending to family while we are away in NZ. “ Would you like that fixed soon sir …. “. No pressure then.

The next day we dressed Lily in a burka, gave her the largest stuffed toy she could carry, and boarded the flight regardless. Before our eyes the spots were breaking out, so in Hong Kong the wife took Lils into a shop, and plastered her in so much make-up and concealer that all we needed to do was teach her how to play an instrument, twirl a baton and sing the star spangled banner, and she could have got a green card.

Arriving in Auckland, Shelley, Zach and Greg treated us royally, and we had an impromptu bbq and got drunk for the first of 21 drunken nights. Sleeping in the same room with the gal on a z-bed, I woke the house at 04:00 when Lily started to vomit and choke on it lying down. This coincided with Moira being on the loo, so as I could not seem to stop the gagging girl, I yelled at the top of my voice “ Moira “, in a very Flintstones manner. I think Greg thought that I was just a very passionate guy, so politely did not mention it the next day. Shelley simply thought that she would never have us back. Zach had everything that he thought about old people being weird, confirmed.

Arriving in Nelson, we could not have been happier. All the family were there, and E’beth had found us the best house possible for the duration of our stay. So it was that the next 3 weeks were spent in the bliss of having family around, beaches on the doorstep, a car at our disposal courtesy of Graham, and music on the radio that had not changed in 20 years. To summarise we: were spoiled rotten, had Mum and E’beth as resident babysitters, Lily caught her first salmon with Dey, Heather cooked up a storm, Michaela and Lily shared a birthday, Graham was with us 24/7 which was the best thing of all, Rob, Kate, Scarlett and Flo came over from Australia, Gordon, Linda and Cindy came down from Wellington via plane, train and automobile with old photos in tow, Shelley ,Greg, Zach and Geena came down from Auckland, Trevor taught Lily Australian slang, we had two great visits to Torrent Bay via water taxi, more bbqs than you could shake a pair of tongs at, and just laughed, drank and relaxed for 3 weeks. It was as if it was Christmas.

Arriving back in the UK the temperature had dropped 20 degrees, and it was back to work for me 12 hours after getting in the door.

Thank you all for making our trip so special, we have been raving about it ever since we got back.