Snow Job

Two new things came to town this week. Snow, and a new job.

The two are not linked, but maybe I should set myself a challenge and see if I can incorporate the two.

After getting back from our wonderful trip to NZ, I could see the writing on the wall. Both my direct boss, and her boss, had both taken new jobs within the company while I was away. I had seen this behaviour before when I first came to the UK, where Mum and Dad moved without letting me know, and without forwarding their new address. It was such a jolly game, that every time I tracked them down, they would unexpectedly move again. Oh, how we laughed every time.

Since I now had no upper management, I had either been promoted in absentia, or they had both spoken to my parents. With the fateful phone call from my boss where she asked the classic question “ where do you see your career going …… “ I was summonsed to England to meet her, and discuss this. She showed me the new infrastructure diagram, with lots of new fancy titles, departments, and locations, but the biggest piece of the puzzle missing was the one for a middle-aged fat bloke, who was used to working from home in his underwear. Luckily at the last minute, in a role that was seen on the very roots of the corporate tree, which I had mistaken for a footnote in fact, was a couple of questions marks which they asked whether I would like to fill. Having spent most of my career (?) not really knowing what is going on, I thought this would role of ‘????’ would be perfect.

My boss has written up the job description for ‘EU IT Incident Manager’ and I have agreed to it. As long as HR does not figure out who I am, the paperwork should go through soon. It must be a made up job, as while it has ‘EU’ in the title some of the responsibilities will cover a team in the Philippines, and one in India.

Prior to this I will be going in to get a new bionic shoulder. I have calcific tendonitis in my left shoulder, and have a pre-operative assessment on Feb 5th. They will then give me a date for surgery, this will be booked, and I will get a new shoulder and a faded denim outfit to wear home, saving us $6,000,000, as the NHS here in Scotland is paying for it (via my National Insurance contributions).

I sent Mum and Dad a postcard telling them of my job and impending surgery, but the Royal Mail have just returned them both. Oh, those kidders……

Kiwi Jingle Bells

What are the 2 best things you can hear before getting on an international flight from Glasgow to Auckland?. “ Would you like a free upgrade to first class sir ?, “ I am sorry but the last seat available is in the middle of the row containing the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. Oh, and they are drunk. And randy. It would also mean your wife and child will have to sit elsewhere in the plane, would that be OK? “.

In reality I received a phone call from Lily’s nursery 24 hours before our flight asking me “ who will be picking up Lily from nursery right now please, as she has chicken-pox? “ The same morning the car door was so frozen solid, that the hard plastic handle actually broke of in my hand. This is the same car we are lending to family while we are away in NZ. “ Would you like that fixed soon sir …. “. No pressure then.

The next day we dressed Lily in a burka, gave her the largest stuffed toy she could carry, and boarded the flight regardless. Before our eyes the spots were breaking out, so in Hong Kong the wife took Lils into a shop, and plastered her in so much make-up and concealer that all we needed to do was teach her how to play an instrument, twirl a baton and sing the star spangled banner, and she could have got a green card.

Arriving in Auckland, Shelley, Zach and Greg treated us royally, and we had an impromptu bbq and got drunk for the first of 21 drunken nights. Sleeping in the same room with the gal on a z-bed, I woke the house at 04:00 when Lily started to vomit and choke on it lying down. This coincided with Moira being on the loo, so as I could not seem to stop the gagging girl, I yelled at the top of my voice “ Moira “, in a very Flintstones manner. I think Greg thought that I was just a very passionate guy, so politely did not mention it the next day. Shelley simply thought that she would never have us back. Zach had everything that he thought about old people being weird, confirmed.

Arriving in Nelson, we could not have been happier. All the family were there, and E’beth had found us the best house possible for the duration of our stay. So it was that the next 3 weeks were spent in the bliss of having family around, beaches on the doorstep, a car at our disposal courtesy of Graham, and music on the radio that had not changed in 20 years. To summarise we: were spoiled rotten, had Mum and E’beth as resident babysitters, Lily caught her first salmon with Dey, Heather cooked up a storm, Michaela and Lily shared a birthday, Graham was with us 24/7 which was the best thing of all, Rob, Kate, Scarlett and Flo came over from Australia, Gordon, Linda and Cindy came down from Wellington via plane, train and automobile with old photos in tow, Shelley ,Greg, Zach and Geena came down from Auckland, Trevor taught Lily Australian slang, we had two great visits to Torrent Bay via water taxi, more bbqs than you could shake a pair of tongs at, and just laughed, drank and relaxed for 3 weeks. It was as if it was Christmas.

Arriving back in the UK the temperature had dropped 20 degrees, and it was back to work for me 12 hours after getting in the door.

Thank you all for making our trip so special, we have been raving about it ever since we got back.